In my early sobriety, on certain days, I felt like I could jump right out of my skin and on other days,  my body felt like a heavy, wet wool blanket, weighing me down inside a cocoon of scratchy, pungent depression. I could snap at a perceived insult or threat to my fragile ego and I cried more in my first year of sobriety than I ever had before. The appearance of my emotions was unpredictable and sometimes entirely unwanted.

We fool ourselves into believing that mood-altering with drugs, booze, co-dependence, or other substances and behaviors is really having a lasting effect on our underlying emotions. No, the underlying trauma and dysfunction remain. But the illusion that we can escape the causes and conditions of our dis-ease can feel good for quite a while. Unfortunately the consequences of avoiding our uncomfortable emotions can be devastating – lost spouses, jobs, homes and sanity.

In the beginning, as we warm up to our feelings like a reluctant virgin bride to her new husband on their wedding night, there is some coaxing to be done. Here are some simple guidelines to getting comfortable with discomfort while staying sober.

1) Don’t put a value judgment on your feelings: Put a sign in your mind. “All feelings accepted here.” Too many times, we have been brainwashed into believing that certain feelings are not okay, while others are fine, without realizing these judgments have been handed down from one dysfunctional generation to another. We are now the grown-ups and we can choose to make all our feelings valid. Feelings are not behaviors – they are the precursor to action. We can feel something without acting on it. So we needn’t judge what we’re feeling.

2) Relax: Relaxation of any kind will help soften the hard edges of our most intense emotions. Take a deep breath, go for a walk, listen to the sounds of water, or, if you can, get into some water. Take a bath or go for a swim. Do some meditation, or if your mind can’t stay quiet long enough, do a little stretching and bending. Sit quietly in the feeling.

3) Get friendly with your feelings: They are your friends, whether or not you can believe that now. They are part of your “reality” testing mechanism. My feelings, my “guts” tell me so much of what I need to know about most every situation I’m in. My emotions allow me to “feel” other people without even touching them. They are invaluable in relationships where we must continually navigate the emotional waters of those around us as part of our commitment to love them.

4) Go with the flow and release: Cry, scream, shout, get angry and apologize for getting angry, tell them exactly what you think. Ask for forgiveness or give it. Hold someone’s hand or let someone hold yours. Say no. Or say yes. Ride the tide of your emotions wherever they take you-unless your emotions will psychically or physically hurt someone else.

5) Most importantly, TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE FEELING. You don’t have to this alone. Forget that idiotic notion that we have to “tough” it out. We did that already and it didn’t work.

I offer a free chapter & free workbook section from my book “12 Steps for Recovery & Recovery Companion Workbook” on my website at http://www.12steps4recovery.com

May you enjoy an enlightening and empowering sobriety.

I hadn’t realized it was the 3^rd of September as I sat at the breakfast table earlier today. But I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude move through me, bringing tears to my eyes. I felt humbled and awed at the power of my Divine Source to create a life for me that has become so perfect, both for my learning and my effectiveness in the world.

I was so grateful for my loving husband who has been with me through most of my sober years, my son, Adam, who was almost 4 when I got sober, my mother-in-law, Marianne, who with her wisdom, graciousness and support has helped us tremendously to accomplish some of our goals. I was grateful for trees that are so green and true and the red cardinal that flies from branch to branch. That brilliant red against the green, a visual pleasure. I am grateful that I have found a new home where I can be of service to those who have need of my services. I am grateful for the friends who are smart, sassy, funny, who are profound in their lessons they have taught me, the uplifting of their speech when I am flustered or derailed. Cara has been my long-time friend and she and I stay up late nights talking about our businesses, our connection to the mystical powers of grace and manifestation.  My friend, Karlyn, who listens to me analyze and sometimes ramble on about recovery, life, love, and of course, our two respective sons.  We have solved many problems in the wee hours of the morning. Both have made me feel very special and needed. I am getting close to other women in my new home that are so very special and wonderful people. The women I know sacrifice for those they love. We share a bond – this sacrifice unites us. Our dysfunctional family histories hold us in a bond as we have healed and been released from the prison of our past. The women I know and love have worked on their lives, sculpted and created new dimensions of self-worth and mastery. As Jeannie says: “It will be Western women who save the world.”

My sobriety has depended upon those who have reached out to me and I to them, for they are the manifestations of my greatest good and gifts from my Higher Power for which I am truly blessed. It seems I am always connected to what I need to learn or to those who need me.

There were so many dark days in my life – about 35 years’ worth of them – days and nights that I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. I was always a sensitive but I was drowning in that sensitivity – I couldn’t control it or handle the psychic debris of the world. I was always yearning and never satisfied. I was the freak who had no parents, who was always out of place – the square peg in a round hole, trying to fit myself in and always in so much pain. I have up-close and personal knowledge of how we can create our own hell here on earth.

What happened to me is a miracle, an exchange of energies between myself and a Power Greater than myself with whom I try to connect on a daily basis. As I worked the 12 Steps, I shed the baggage of the material world. The resentments, the wrongs, the dead-end beliefs that held me back, the self-sabotage, until I have found I’d been transported to a state of grace. A state of grace is like walking on the high wire. I am truly in the hands or mind of my Higher Power. I have cleaned out the wreckage of my past as best as I can. Because Infinite Source only asks that I do my best. Then I leave it behind, walking that high wire of life, Divinely Guided, taking risks, knowing that I am protected.

So I’m gonna rock on, have fun, dance til I drop and love everyone.